He Knows The Plans He Has For You

Labor Day Weekend, 2009 marked the biggest loss of my entire life; it was the first time I ever really questioned God’s love for me. I may have questioned Christianity and religion (many times!), but I had never really questioned that there was a God and that He loved me … until Labor Day Weekend, 2009. That was the weekend my youngest son, Drew, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

You may think, “yes, that’s a big deal, but people – even children – are diagnosed every day with chronic illnesses.”

But, it wasn’t the particular diagnosis … in fact, I had faced many potentially bad diagnoses for my 3 children over the years – many much worse than Type 1 Diabetes … I can think of at least 8-10 right off the top of my head. So it wasn’t the diagnosis that was so discouraging to me. … And, although Drew was “my baby”, it wasn’t the fact that it was Drew; I love all of my children equally, and I have a daughter who had been diagnosed with Type 1 four years earlier, and, overall, I think I was able to face that with faith, strength, and grace.

Rather, the internal devastation (and I mean devastation!!) came from the fact that I couldn’t come to grips with how God could possibly love me and still allow so much heartbreak and so much loss into my life over the years. In my head, I knew God loved me … but in my heart, I didn’t feel at all loved by Him.

I spent the next several years pouring my heart out to Him … and, over the course of time, He answered me, repeatedly. Not always in the way I would have liked or had hoped, but He always answered.

About 5 years after Drew’s diagnosis, I found myself once again facing very uncertain circumstances. I desperately wanted to hear from God; to know He was still in control … and that He still had a plan (because, clearly, things were not going according to mine!) I was walking into church (late, of course!), and very focused on getting there as quickly as possible. The church was located on a very busy downtown street. I do not typically notice my surroundings much, particularly when I am “on a mission”, and my mission at that moment was to get inside the church as quickly as possible; if God had something to say to me, I definitely didn’t want to miss it!

But as I rushed to get inside, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something small, round, and silver on the sidewalk; it looked like a ring, so I stopped to pick it up. It had an inscription on it, but I couldn’t make out what it said. It was obviously an inexpensive ring (the $5 sort), and I was in a rush to get inside, so I tucked it into my purse and decided to figure out what to do with it later. I sat in the service desperately awaiting any sort of a message from God; I prayed for Him to speak to me about my situation … nothing. (no reflection on the pastor, though; he is always amazing!). As I walked out to my car, somewhat disappointed, I ran into an old friend, who gave me some encouraging words. Then, as I went to get my keys out of my purse, I noticed the ring. I had actually forgotten all about it at that point. I pulled it out and tried to read the inscription; it had a bible reference on it. It said "Jeremiah 29:11" ... I knew that verse instantly:

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.’”

I went home and posted the following on my Facebook wall that day:

“Today was a fantastic day! I have never felt as deeply loved as I felt today. … Live life loved.”

God had brought me a long, long way in 5 years. I have no doubt today of His deep and unconditional love for me, regardless of my circumstances. But there is nothing special about me (… believe me!!). The God of the Universe deeply loves you! … If you question that, seek Him, and He will show you. … And it will change your life forever!

© I Lift My Voice, 2015.