"Don't I Mean More to You Than Ten Sons?"

This is Part 3 of a 12-Part Series on Church Hurt

For the sake of simplicity, in this series, I am typically going to refer to any place of worship as a "church" and any type of leader as a "pastor" and/or "priest".

Infertility is a very common struggle encountered in the Bible. Probably the most famous story of Biblical infertility is Abram (later called Abraham) and Sarai (later called Sarah). But contrary to what you might think, Sarah wasn't the one grieving over it - Abraham was. Despite having a wife he loved deeply, and despite being very wealthy, successful, and prosperous, Abraham wanted the one thing he couldn't have:

"But Abram replied, 'O Sovereign Lord, what good are all Your blessings when I don't even have a son? Since You've given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth. You have given me no descendants of my own, so one of my servants will be my heir.'" - Genesis 15:2-3

Nowhere in Scripture does it indicate that Sarah was upset or grieving that she couldn't have children; she was, however, frustrated and discouraged that she couldn't give Abraham the one thing he so desperately wanted. And, as a result, she suggests that he take a second wife; someone who could give him the one thing she couldn't. And things get, well ... complicated!

Contrary to what the church may lead you to believe, not all women have an overwhelming desire to have children. There are many women who may want children because it's a cultural expectation or because it's somewhat of a status symbol or because their spouse wants children and they want to please their spouse. But for some women (as for some men, like Abraham), having children is a deep-seated desire of their heart; they can't really picture their life being "complete" without them.

Hannah had a good life; she had a husband who loved her deeply, cared for her tenderly, provided for her generously, and respected her greatly. But the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world was the one thing she couldn't have - she wanted children of her own - and she was powerless to do anything about it. And so was her husband, Elkanah who, like Sarah, had been doing everything he could possibly do to try to "make up for it".

"Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice [at the church], he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her ... " - 1 Samuel 1:4-5 NIV

Elkanah didn't treat Hannah the way the people in the church community did. He loved Hannah immensely - whether she was able to provide children for him or not. Even though he had been able to have children himself through his second wife, Peninnah, he still cared about the fact that Hannah couldn't have children of her own when she desperately wanted them, and he gave her special treatment because of it.

Elkanah cared about her problem because he cared about her. It mattered to him because it mattered to her. It was important to him because it was important to her.

But as much as he cared and as much as he wanted to help, he was struggling to understand it. Why couldn't she just be happy with all the positive things she had instead of the one thing she didn't? Why couldn't she just focus on the positives? As much as he loved her, he didn't really "get" it ... and he didn't really "get" her.

"Her husband Elkanah would say to her, 'Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" - 1 Samuel 1:8

Unfortunately, not only had church become a source of sadness and grief for Hannah, but it had also become a cause of disconnect between her and her husband, Elkanah, because her husband had a much different experience of church than she did. He was welcomed and accepted there; he fit in, she did not.

© I Lift My Voice, 2025

Click Here to Read Part 4 in This 12-Part Series on Church Hurt