The Proverbs 31 Woman (And Man)

This is Part 8 of an 8-Part Series on Women (and Men) in the Bible

In the Christian community, women talk about Proverbs 31 all the time, and what it means to be a "Proverbs 31 Woman". And yet, I sometimes wonder how many of us have actually read it! It is an acrostic poem (the verses begin with successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet), and it is 21 verses in the Old Testament describing an ideal wife. I want to be careful to emphasize that this is an ideal; a list of positive characteristics to ascribe to, not a checklist to mark off or a realistic standard to try to live up to! There is no perfect woman, wife, or mother, and there is no perfect marriage. And if we were to make a list of attributes for an ideal husband, there wouldn't be a man (past, present, or future), who could live up to it either!

Having said that, what would you say if you were to read the following:

She is a hard worker and a capable business woman.

She is an entrepreneur and an investor.

She owns property and manages people, money, households, and businesses.

She is strong, wise, intelligent, gifted, trustworthy, successful, confident, self-respecting, kind, generous, charitable, and faith-filled.

She and her husband are so successful that she is able to afford help with childcare and household chores.

She is a good wife in a marriage characterized by mutual respect, trust, and admiration; a partnership.

Her children (if she has any) respect her.

Sounds pretty "feministic", doesn't it? What if I told you it was a contemporary adaptation of a woman described in scripture more than 2500 years ago?

Same story; different "lens".

Regardless of any strongholds you may have, or stereotypes you may hold, about what it means to be a "good, Christian woman", Proverbs 31:10-31 does not describe a timid or passive doormat of a wife; a weak-willed and dependent woman who requires constant leadership and guidance from a man. Nor does it describe a woman who is identified only in terms of her role as a wife or a mother.* On the contrary, it describes a woman who is all of the things listed above. This is a woman who is capable, intelligent, decisive, and independent. Of these 21 verses in the Old Testament, at least 50-60% of them describe a woman in terms of her work (whether it is inside the home or outside the home). Roughly 20-25% describe her as a wife, and less than 1/2 of 1% describe her as a mother. And nowhere in the passage is her physical appearance mentioned other than to provide a warning not to place too much emphasis on outward beauty, as it is fleeting and temporary.

What I find most fascinating about these verses is verse 16:

"she considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard."

She weighs the options, makes an intelligent business decision, and, most importantly, purchases property! In biblical times, it was rare for a woman to own property -- almost unheard of! Frequently, women were legally unable to own property, and typically, inheritance of property went almost exclusively to men. Even as recently as the past 50-75 years in the United States, there were still laws on the books prohibiting women from owning real estate, independently conducting business, or even having their own credit card, so this was pretty "radical" writing for approximately 700 years B.C./B.C.E.!

One thing I have never heard anyone talk about in the Christian community is "The Proverbs 31 Man". This portion of scripture is obviously about a wife, but it can also tell us important things about her husband. This is a man who is proud of his wife's accomplishments. He is secure and confident in himself; he does not feel threatened or intimidated by his wife's success, nor does he feel a need to micromanage her activity.

I want to be careful here not to swing the pendulum too far in the other direction, though; there are plenty of verses that emphasize the importance of women as wives, mothers, or daughters, and this hypothetical woman had the means to have workers (typically other women) who helped her with running her home and caring for her children. I think there is a tendency on the left to value women primarily, or even exclusively, in terms of their work or worldly accomplishments, while simultaneously diminishing their value as wives, mothers, daughters, or homemakers. Unfortunately, there is also a tendency on the right to value women primarily, or even exclusively, in terms of their roles as wives, mothers, daughters, or homemakers, while simultaneously diminishing their value in the workforce or their accomplishments in the business world. And, sadly, I think there has been a tendency in the past, on both the right and the left, to value men in terms of their work and their worldly accomplishments at the expense of their extremely important roles as husbands, fathers, and sons.

I think it's also important to note that this hypothetical woman did not do all of these things simultaneously. She didn't go out and buy a field every day; possibly only once during her entire lifetime. If we believe we need to be all of these things, or that we need to be all of these things simultaneously, we will end up feeling stressed, insecure, and anxious. As Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. ... " There may be seasons in our lives (whether we are male or female, single or married, kids or no kids) when God will ask us to really focus our time, attention, and energy on the people in our lives and caring for them. When Jesus was dying on the cross, He asked the apostle, John, to care for his mother as if she were his own (see John 19:26-27). Likewise, there may be seasons in our lives when God will want us to really focus our time, attention, and energy on work or ministry outside of our homes. ... How do you know "what time it is"? Only by listening to, and submitting to, the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis.

I also think women have a tendency to downplay their own contributions and compare themselves to other women. If you are a "full-time stay-at-home mom" (or a "full-time stay-at-home dad"!), do not downplay the work you do inside the home! If you were paying someone else to do all of the things you are doing, it would cost a small fortune! And every situation is different. Many women would love to be "full-time stay-at-home moms", but can't afford a loss of their income, and there are many women who would love to have a job/career, but are unable to make enough money to warrant paying for childcare. If you are fortunate enough to be able to choose whether or not you want to work outside the home (and, if so, how many hours per week) or be a "full-time stay at home mom" (or dad!), you are truly fortunate. I think positive change for women has to begin with women; we have to start being less judgmental and more compassionate and accepting of ourselves and each other, and more supportive of all women and the choices we feel led to make at any given time in our lives.

© I Lift My Voice, 2022.

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* It should be noted that there are plenty of examples of women in the Bible who never married, were widowed or divorced, and/or who never had children, and God had plans and purposes for them outside of marriage and/or children.